What all started this mission and led me to this point was that I decided to change my mindset.
Mindset is huge and really guides us through our decision making. It pays a key role in what we choose to do and what we do not allow ourselves to do. It plays a role in who we are, who we become, what we have, who we are friends with, etc. It basically has a key role in EVERYTHING we do.
BUT it is really hard to change. For some, we do not start taking action until we have hit rock bottom. Then we have this moment of awakening and start changing.
During maternity leave the second time, I was a hot mess. I mean like a HOT HOT MESS. I owned the hot mess expressed. I was constantly tearful about everything and felt like I was a complete failure to say the least. It was a beautiful combination of lack of sleep and post partum depression. I was drowning, but I did not know it. I could not call out for help or move. I felt paralyzed, just stuck.
Then one evening, I was doing my typical running back and forth between rooms and something happened. I woke up in a terror after falling asleep in the toddler bed. My son had not woken up and I was in pure panic mode. He should have woken up by now. I stumbled into his room and place my hand on his. It was cold. Seemingly ice cold. It had not hit me yet that the air was on and he was clearly breathing. In that moment, I felt like I saw his life flash before my eyes. It was one where I was constantly crying and anxious. It was not the life I imagined for him for 9 months or the way I wanted to show up as his mother.
It was in this moment, that I knew I needed to start taking action in my life. There were several things that I did to led me here. The most important thing I decided to do was to change my mindset.
I decided that I was going to make changes in my home. I have always been one to be greatly affected by my environment. When my home is cluttered or messy, my brain feels cluttered or messy. Now, if you have mommy brain (which is a VERY real thing), then you may know that you brain is already a little off. I mean I used to be an intelligent woman OR I thought I was…I cannot really remember.
Anyways, studies show that our environment has a direct link to our mental health, our focus, and our energy. So, that is where I started.
I went room to room committed to make changes for my family and for my mental health.
Routine is incredibly important. Not only for me, but for my children of course too. We set a schedule and expectations around that schedule. It is something that we need to consistently work at, but it helps all of us be our best selves.
To do this, determine the best schedule for your family. Not what is in the books or what Aunt Susie swears by. It is not what you had when you were a kid or when your spouse was a kid. It is a schedule based on your values and your needs as a family.
Then be consistent with your schedule. Sure there will be one offs but try to be consistent. Even on the weekend. If you do not have any routine on the weekend, you are more likely to let so much in that you will not have time to rest. Schedule your weekends. It has been a game changer for me.
Self – care
I always felt self – care was this thing to put way up on a pedestal. It was something that I could only afford when my kids are grown, or after I complete all my work. It is something I would get when I am debt free or that it is just purely selfish.
I was battled with my mind on all of this. I needed to start caring for myself. I started doing it. It looks different for me today than it may in 10 years. But the point is that I am doing things to revitalize me and allow me to care for my family better.
I am a YES woman. I am here to serve and I want to help you with anything and everything you need. That is what I love. HOWEVER, I learned that every time I say yes to something I am saying no to something else.
Let’s be honest there will be seasons of your life when you can take on more and others when the same amount of work will feel absolutely paralyzing. I was in a point where everything felt overwhelming. I stopped saying say. I told my family and friends that I could only handle the basic things I needed to do.
Sometimes I had to say no to a party or something. I needed to do that for myself and my family. I still do. If it does not serve us in this moment, than we cannot do it. Sometimes a nap is honestly better for us that day than a party with everyone we love.
Out with Should
I was constantly in a place of I should do this or I should do that. I was shoulding all over myself. All of the shoulds that I did not get to made me feel like I had failed! I was going to bed exhausted, feeling like I was not accomplishing anything. I would wake up exhausted feeling like there was no way I could accomplish everything.
I made a list of things I needed to do. Basic things. Feeding your family, maintaining your home, caring for myself, etc. I made a list of the Shoulds. I prioritized my shoulds. These are now on a wish list, if it is something I would like to do one day, but may not get to this week. It takes the pressure off.
I stopped see depression as something that was slowly taking my spirit and affecting my life. I took away its power over me. I saw it is as opportunity for my own personal growth. In seeing it that way, I have made great changes and have had many opportunities as a result.
It has been an opportunity to access how I cope with stress/anxiety, to incorporate self – care, to go after the life I want to live, to take action in my life, and make incredible changes. I have decided to not limit myself, but understand that the possibilities are only limited by my imagination. When I started thinking like this, then there was nothing to lose. If I continued thinking I was a victim of my depression, then I would continue to be. Nothing would change. By changing this mindset, everything changed.
Intentional Living Tip: Take out a journal, a piece of paper, make a note on your phone, or just talk out loud to yourself or a friend. I want you to right down how you would live your life today if you could have anything. There is no wrong answer. There are no limits. Then reply to each of these statements. What is your mindset?
My house is cluttered because I do not have a time, I have children, and it will cost too much to fix up my house.
What are your opportunities?
My house is cluttered. I can take action determine the cause of my clutter and start de-cluttering my home. I can be more intentional with my time, so I can chip away at this project and I can involve my family. My children need a less cluttered space. It does not have to be costly. I will save for what I want in the future, but I can make small changes today to make things easier for me. I cannot afford not to take action.